Suki, It's been four weeks since you've been gone, and the black despair that I felt at first has given way to a dull pain that is ever present inside me, occasionally bursting forth and leaving me filled with grief. I think of you constantly, what we would be doing together if you were here, and how different things would be. We were both cruelly deprived of all the wonderful years we should have had together, and I am heartbroken that what should have been a long partnership was cut short so suddenly. I am overcome with sadness at seeing places that remind me of you; the place you used to wait near the door in the morning, the carpet at my feet on the train, your spot at the side of the pool, the bench at the bus stop, or the floor at the foot of my bed where you slept at night. Sometimes I put out my hand and imagine stroking your soft fur, scratching your long silky ears, or laying my palm on your head. In my mind I call you, and when I'm walking I silently give you commands and imagine you leading me. It's so hard without you, Suki! I ran into a glass door the other day trying to get into the mall. You would have found the right way and whisked me right through it.
Wherever we went you touched so many hearts with your gentle manners, your sweet disposition, your soft dark eyes and silky white fur. Going anywhere with you was always an adventure and a joy, and I was always so proud of you. Everywhere I go people ask where you are, and I can't tell them without bursting into tears. People are so sad to hear you are gone. It's a consolation to know that I am not alone in my grief, and that there are so many people who loved you and who will remember you. That's because you were such a special dog!
I'm grateful for every day of the two years and nine months we had together, Suki. I have so many good memories – feeling your cold, wet nose nudging me awake each morning, walking with you in the orchard, playing tug of war with your rope toy, stroking your soft ears as you lay with your head in my lap in a taxi on the way home, and hearing your tail thumping happily on the floor as I gave you one last goodnight pat before going to sleep.
So here's what I need to tell you, Sookers. I can't manage without you, but I need to go on. So I'm going to get another guide dog to help me just like you did. I know you'll understand, because you'll want me to be safe and happy again. I will love my new dog, bond with her and give her a good life filled with love, affection, work, and play just like I did for you. She will love me too, just like you did, and she will comfort me and ease my pain at losing you.
But you needn't worry, Suki. There will always be a special place in my heart for you, and I will always love you just as I did when you were here with me! You see, it's like I once explained to Rotem: even when I have more grandchildren, I will still have just as much love for her because our heart keeps manufacturing more love. That's the way it will be with us, too, Suki. No matter how many guide dogs I have in the future and no matter how many years go by, I'll still feel the same unconditional love for you as I did when you were here with me.
You know that if you had lived I would have kept you with me even after you retired, just as I promised. I want you to know that I will still keep that promise. You'll be with me together with my new dog at the beach, running through the waves, lying on the sand next to me, walking through the fields, guiding me down the sidewalks. My new dog will walk beside me, and you'll be safe in that special place in my heart reserved only for you.
So I'll never say goodbye, Suki, because you'll always be with me, and you'll be in my mind often! Run along the beach or through the lush green fields, wherever you want to run, free and safe and healthy and happy, just as I remember you. I will call you to me in my thoughts, or perhaps you'll come running to me with your tail wagging as you always did. We'll play together for a fleeting moment and reminisce about the joyful time we spent together – a brief and wonderful chapter of our lives, that was filled with love and affection. You'll lick me and I'll hug you, and I'll remember what a privilege it was to be with you. And then you'll go dashing off again - until the next time we meet.
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